Picking My Battles (Bang, Bang!)
Back when I had Chas, life was simple and I was a perfect mother.
Really.
I followed all the Good Mommy Rules.
My child shared, was polite, never misbehaved, certainly never in public, and boy, was there ever a ban on toy guns!
In fact, I was smug enough to insist even at other Mommy’s houses for playdates that “Oh, we don’t play with guns.”
Little did I know that every single Perfect Mommy word I uttered in those early years of my career would be SUPER tasty as I ate them after Rhyse appeared on the scene.
From the get-go, it seemed to me that Rhyse was sent, yes, to make me happy (we tried TWO YEARS for him and it nearly killed us both) but also to teach me a very valuable lesson: sometimes it’s important to keep your perfect mouth shut.
Suddenly, I had a child on my hands that broke every rule in my Perfect Mommy, Perfect Child, Perfect Life handbook. He slapped me in public, bullied other children, nearly had me thrown out of storytimes, ended our days of dining out, threw temper tantrums that brought both of us to tears.
And guess who ended up just LOVING toy guns???
Not all of this was him just gravitating towards it but where with Chas I could temper that, suddenly with two boys in the house, things just miraculously turned into guns.
My paper towel holders.
Sticks.
Anything that even remotely resembled a gun, it was “bang, bang!”
I wrung my hands over it for the first year or so, still insisting that “we don’t play with guns!” but honestly, it was pointless. By the time Chas was seven and Rhyse was three, they absolutely idolized anything “army”–army men, army trucks, army accessories, yes, including guns.
After laying some ground rules, I just decided to let them be.
Or really, I thought long and hard about why I didn’t want them playing with guns and realized that it had very little to do with my OWN feelings on the matter (I really and truly saw and still do see it as harmless, indulgent, pretend play, much like Greer fantasizing that she’s a princess, ruling her kingdom) and a whole lot on political correctness.
I decided to scrap that and make my own rules.
I’m not much for political correctness, anyway.
We do play with guns.
But we don’t shoot others who aren’t holding a weapon of their own (this sounds ridiculous, even as I write it but I’m going with it) and certainly never in the face.
And I’m good with this policy.
I don’t feel like my allowing my kids to pretend they’re good guys shooting bad guys will have a negative impact on who they become in life.
Meaning, I don’t think I’m raising renegades just because I’m lax on the gun thing.
They know all the important stuff about guns.
We insist that they at least TRY to play respectfully with them.
And it’s not my fault Nerf makes incredibly fun toy guns that make shooting people in the heiney so much fun!
(Really, it IS fun! I’ve been taking out family members as well.)
So I know some will frown on this post and on these Littles totally breaking ALL of the rules while tagging their gunless Daddy, yes, IN THE FACE, but…I can’t worry about making everyone happy, now can I?
They had fun, we had fun.
No parents were harmed in the making of this politically incorrect family time.
(Though I will admit that it’s very, very strange to hear my four-year-old daughter shrieking, “Cock it!” at me because she can’t load it herself, and then cackling like a wee demon as she prepares to take an eye out.)
January 5th, 2010 at 1:52 PM
Ang,
We, too, have tried the no guns rule. It has been almost impossible. Although, we still have not purchased one, we are starting to allow them to play with them at other kids’ houses. However, like you, we have set ground rules. The most important rule being NOT IN THE FACE. So, I certainly do not “frown” upon you. I sympathize because I know what you’re going through with the issue.
XOXO,
Mindy
January 5th, 2010 at 2:52 PM
That picture of Greer, the third one down, is KILLING me! Seriously busting a gut here!!
We tried the “no gun” rule (really it was my rule as Todd knows boys much better than I and knew it was not going to happen!). I acknowledged defeat when they were building them out of Legos! We, too, have the Nerf guns and some rules. Actually, one rule….must wear the little safety glasses they come with if you’re going to play!
January 5th, 2010 at 10:49 PM
Yeah, I’m not to p.c. either. I was never a perfect mom. I’m not very good at following all of the “rules” that society sets. And lots of things around here, including string cheese, turns into a shooter around here. That was my early word for guns and it sticks with my young ones. Jeffrey will probably bypass that word for GUN, no problem. That’s just how a boy dominated home runs, I guess. Guns, balls, cocking-it … you know the drill :)
January 5th, 2010 at 11:47 PM
No judgement here; I finally let it go too. For me it was always more worrisome what the other moms would think, and I thought it was the right thing to do, “No guns for my boys”. BUT it wasn’t really up to me; their genetic code led them to create guns out of absolutely everything (crackers, straws, legos, etc.). So now I just say, “Please don’t shoot Mommy. Mommy prefers kisses.” :-) They usually look at me like i’m nuts, but they would do that anyway.
January 6th, 2010 at 12:12 AM
Isn’t it totally, yes, in their “genetic code?” Which is why I too finally just said, what’s the point in fighting this? And really, who cares? When i really thought about it, I did realize that I felt like “good Mommies” had bans on that type of stuff. In reality, that had nothing to do with anything other than my own perceived pressure. My kids happen to have a tremendous amount of respect for the jobs where guns are required, like the police or our armed forces, and part of me wonders if some of that COMES from being allowed to indulge in those boy-hood play fantasies.
And sometimes, it just is what it is.
Fun to chat–and thanks for not judging! (I personally think it’s an issue that we ALL struggle with, us Mamas of boys.)
January 6th, 2010 at 1:19 AM
Oh, I would never do guns.(Hee, hee, hee, snicker, snicker.) I also said I would never spank when Tana was born….then came three boys down the line. Need I say more? Tip from me: Keep a gun to yourself so when they misbehave you can shoot then right in the…..
January 7th, 2010 at 6:08 PM
Hey, I am right there with you about the “one”… Ian blow that out of the water for us as well…
Hey, my love those nerf guns and we will be on the hunt for those. Greer is precious with that and a pretty good aim as I remember (my butt)….
I like Carla’s idea about keeping one for yourself…