Before I launch into my Valentine’s Day tirade (oh, it’s coming), I thought I’d dig in my archives for a minute and share Greer’s…social progress with you :)
If you know her, (or maybe more exactly, if she knows YOU) you know she’s wacky and crazy and goofy–a total performer.
She’s the caffeine buzz resonating through my house on any given day.
(Creux, he’s the crack.)
But if you don’t know her, (or more exactly, if she doesn’t know YOU) you don’t get to see this part of her.
What you get is, or has been, a blank stare or a vision of the back of her head as she turns away from you.
It’s never been anything personal towards anyone in general but even I have wondered before, as other little girls her age have spend 20 minutes talking my ear off about…everything and nothing, WHY is she like this???
I know I mentioned before that Chas was, too. He was super shy and super clingy to his Mama for a long, long time. If a label were needed in his case, it would have been “slow to warm” and it still is! He is not the first person to do ANYTHING; he sits back and assesses the risk to his personal self and how much trouble the activity in question might bring him.
He’s just like that and I think he always will be.
(Charlie says he’s going to grow up and work in a corporation’s “Risk Management” department :))
And so is she! She reminded me so much of him in that way though finally, at about the same age as it lessened with Chas, she seems to be shrugging off some of that shyness.
It used to be that really the only adult other than family that she’d even remotely respond to was Jenny and that’s because she’s LIKE family. We see her all the time and Greer feels really comfortable in her presence. But little by little, lately I’ve noticed that she’s come out of her shell a bit more and might actually respond to others who say cheerfully, “Hi Greer, how are you??”
(For the longest time, I played the role of interference, prompting her gently but mostly speaking for her. I didn’t want to add pressure on her at such a young age and it wouldn’t have helped if I had, anyway. But recently, she’s matured enough to where my stance is, “You don’t need to say much but when an adult speaks to you, you need to respond to the question.” She’s also responsible for thanking other parents for sponsoring her playdate time and the rule is, if she can’t at least do that, then she can’t play. I feel comfortable with these ground rules at this point and she’s responding well. What I mean to say there is I don’t think I’m psychologically scarring her by insisting she start stepping out of her comfort zone a little.)
The other day at Bob Evans (when we were heading down to Atlanta), a waitress had bent down and was trying to engage her in conversation. I heard her asking Greer what her name was and I waited a second to see if Greer would respond but she didn’t seem to be planning on it. (In these cases, I still don’t push her but am in her ear the second we walk away, “Remember, you need to respond when someone asks you a question” because I don’t believe in public stand-offs with children. It. Ain’t. Worth. It. But there is value in repeating my expectations.)
Anyway, I started my whole, “She’s shy…her name is Greer…” and the waitress said, “Yes, that’s what she just told me.”
I was sort of shocked.
To my knowledge, that’s the first time Greer has willingly participated in a conversation with a complete stranger.
And maybe this all sounds weird, this super shyness–it probably would to me, too if I hadn’t dealt with it firsthand. TWICE. (And even stranger because I have two boys who are EXACTLY the opposite!) But if you ask my mom, I was painfully shy when I was little too. Frankly, I have a hard time believing that :)
So, perhaps shyness runs in my family, who knows.
But here’s what I believe as far as this, and many situations regarding my children go:
It’s more important for me to make them comfortable than to worry about anyone else’s feelings.
They come first, with their quirks and their preferences and their needs and desires.
So…while it might make others uncomfortable or perhaps they might even find it rude, I can’t worry about that before making sure that I’ve done right by my kids.
My allegiance is to them: for support and guidance and for teaching them that it’s okay to have their own weird boundaries and even better, how to respect and navigate those boundaries. (And there IS a point where navigation is called for and I recognize that and encourage them to participate when they seem ready.)
That’s not to say I’m never frustrated by these types of situations; I absolutely am, have been, and will be moving forward.
But it’s not my issue.
I can add to the insecurity or I can buffer when needed and gently push at other times.
Perhaps too, I just deep down know that most of this stuff is a “stage” thing. I’ve always believed that as her maturity and confidence grows, so will her social skills.
And that seems to be the case here.
Slowly but surely, Greer is coming into her own–and I’m excited for EVERYONE to get to know her the way we do at home.
What prompted this post are some photos that I managed to snap of her at the Georgia Aquarium. There was a costumed character hanging out taking pictures with kids and normally, she would NEVER go anywhere near something like that. Even Creux, who typically is happy to approach complete strangers and babble incoherently, seemed a bit…baffled by this apparition.
And to my complete and total astonishment, she stepped right up, prompting her brother along, and gave this fishy man and hug! Creux joined in immediately, having seen for himself that his big sister did not get gobbled up.
This, while is an ordinary act for many, many kids, is somewhat of a major milestone for mine!
In fact, it took my back to a little Disney trip, just a year and a half ago where things did not quite as expected regarding those Princesses that she’s waited so long to meet.
In November of 2008, at just over three years old, she stood in line to meet Ariel in her Grotto and then…she froze.
And I mean FROZE.
Here she is waiting excitedly:
Aaaaand, here she is freezing:
The same thing happened with Cinderella (her favorite):
And with Belle:
Sleeping Beauty, too:
Flash forward just a little over a year later and here she is, squeezing the life out of some random fish character! It’s amazing how times flies, and how they grow:
Hanging back, not sure–to do it? Or not do it?
She does it!!
And not only that but she convinces Creux that it’s ok…that it’s fun…that he should wrap his pudgy little arms around this fish stranger too!
That’s just what he does, what they do together:
We’re tossing around the idea of another Disney trip, slated for next fall. Our family policy has always been that when we have a three-year-old, we go! (It just so happens though that we now have a three-year-old every other year and a half!) Creux will turn three in early October (if he’s lucky) and since we’ll be cooling our heels all summer long here in Columbus with our newborn, I think this would be the perfect return-to-vacationing trip! The baby will be just a few months old and super content to sling, sleep, and nurse–all of which can happen easily while wandering around the most magical place on earth! (Do I relish the idea of hauling a 3-month-old around the Disney compound for five days? More than I relish the idea of doing it with a one-or-two-year-old! It’s the easiest of the time frames. And come on, since when have we let having a few kids stop us from hitting the road??? :))
One more thing: I’d just like to thank all of my friends who have time and again been Greer Snubbed and yet have kept right on trying with her! I know there are many of you Mamas who always get down to her level and try to engage her and I really appreciate the effort and knowing that when it hasn’t worked out, you don’t take it personally nor do you hold a grudge. Keep trying, she’s coming along. Before you know it, you’ll be so tired of her monologues, you’ll say, “Hey, where’s your mom? I think she’s looking for you.” :)
