Lifelines

I’m not sure I went into much detail at the time of what actually happened on July 4th, the night that Luxe was “supposed” to make her appearance.
I’d switched my blogging almost exclusively over to Expectant at that point and I know many of you were following along.
And I’d kept up the posting for as long as I was able but once I started pushing, obviously I couldn’t post any more.
(Though it was probably very weird to have this, “See you soon!” announcement and then radio silence for hours and hours. It’s quite weird to re-read, even for me, even now.)

I don’t think I said a whole lot about what occurred because I was writing of it just after getting home with Luxe and I was exhausted and also consumed with my newborn.
Perhaps I’d said enough–basically that I’d ended up in the hospital and, at the end of the day, everything was fine.

But Luxe’s birth story includes this night, the night of July 4th, as it changed the course of her birth entirely.

I’ve been working on this post for months which is silly, really.
I’d pop on and write a bit then get called off…only to return a week later and pick back…only to get called off…then returning again 10 days later to jot down a bit more…
You get the idea.
It’s been hard for me to write it this way so I’m going to focus a little while on some shorter posts for her official birth posting on Expectant.
I can’t believe I haven’t done this yet!
But the soak time hasn’t been all bad and it’s given me some perspective that perhaps I didn’t have right there at first.
It doesn’t really matter because the story is the same and the memory of what happened will be forever burned on my own personal “playback” button.

It was not an easy situation for me because nothing went as planned.
And I really didn’t want that to happen because a) I just really didn’t want that to happen and b) I also didn’t want the “And THAT’S why you DON’T homebirth!” stuff going on around me.

So I’d like to be clear on these few points, for me and for my family and for anyone else who cares to know.

I am absolutely one million percent happy that I chose the road I chose for Luxe’s birth.
I never felt like I was risking my health or my baby’s health and I never felt pressured to do or not do anything, especially there in the end.
The care I received throughout my ten months of pregnancy was top-notch and I can’t say enough wonderful things about the midwives and their model of mother/infant care over at CHOICE.
Despite the fact that I was unsuccessful at my homebirthing attempt, I’m still very much in support of that option for women and their families and I will absolutely and without hesitation take this road again if I am lucky enough to find myself in need.

Of course I am disappointed at the turn of events that happened for me but really, I’m not holding on to that at all.
The most important thing to me, truly THE most important, was not to necessarily HAVE the baby at home but to BE at home during those first hours.
It might have sounded insane for me to walk out of the hospital without any support from the doctors in charge of my care or Luxe’s care but I believed in my heart of hearts that we were both in terrific health and could be under observation at home just as easily as we could there in the hospital.

I am so grateful for Charlie’s support in this situation–he was on-board from the get-go with whatever I felt like I needed.
If I needed a home birth, then so be it.
If I wanted to take my baby home against medical advice, then he was holding my bag and the car seat, ready to load us both into the car and take us home.
I’m not saying he does whatever I want without question.
I’m only saying he trusts me to make good decisions as far as our family is concerned and I do sincerely appreciate that.

I’m also grateful for all of my family and friends who, while they may not have understood or agreed with my decision, bit their tongues and just supported me anyway.
I can honestly say that if there are those out there who thought I was a nutjob, no one brought it to me.
I didn’t ever feel like I had to defend my convictions to any of my family or friends and if someone out there didn’t agree with my decision, I still don’t know about it.
And sometimes that’s just the way it should be.

I wanted to share these few photos from the evening of July 4th taken as my labor was underway.
There aren’t many because things moved fast and then started going bad pretty quickly.
I had hoped to have some really awesome birthing photos and a few clips on the Flip but due to the circumstances, I really have nothing much.
Nothing much but the memories and truth be told, I don’t need those photos or clips anyway.
What I’ve got are pictures and moments captured in my soul and that’s enough.
I couldn’t ask for more.

***”The Night You Weren’t Born” has been posted over on Expectant detailing the events of that night if you’re interested reading it. I’ll continue on with her birth story, which I shared of bit of here right away, but left out much of it due to wanting to give those more specific words and thoughts to Luxe first. It hopefully won’t take me as long as this has but you never know around here…;)***

And this is where it goes all funky, right?
She’s technically eight weeks but it’s only the 31st of August–not “September 5th” which would be two months.
I’ll play around with the weekly thing a bit longer before switching to months eventually.
It’s harder because I’m tracking her growth with photos, just like I did during our pregnancy, and so the “weeks” thing is still important for me.
Plus, at this tiny age, they change so much even weekly that I don’t want to just jump to months quite yet.

We’ve definitely settled into our “new” life over here now.
That first month is such a major time of just sheer coping and trying to figure out how you’ll do it all.
But this second month has been much easier as Luxe has left that unpredictable newborny stage and has moved into…baby.
Baby with sort of a routine.

She wakes only once at night still.
I can’t believe she took off sleeping like that and stuck to it.
For awhile I thought it’d taper off as she came out of her newborn coma.
But it hasn’t!

The biggest change this month has been that I no longer need to cluster feed her for three hours at night in order to get her down.
I’ll feed her around 8:00pm or so and then, since the house is nice and quiet, she’ll snooze in the swing while we put the other kids to bed.
It has been WONDERFUL to have this time back as I really get to spend it snuggled into beds, reading with my older kids.

Even after this, I can now sneak a bit of time afterward for emailing, blogging, preparing for the next day.
I’ve missed this time for myself (though I did also enjoy being tucked into bed by 10:00 every night, I’ll admit).

So…life has resumed and we’re all hanging tough.
I’d be in real trouble if Luxe were a high demand baby but she’s not.
I say it all the time but she’s a dream.

Happy, happy, happy…that’s my girl!

I hate waking babies.
I mean that.
I HATE WAKING BABIES.

Not only do I typically have to start the whole diaper change/nursing routine over again but I really and truly feel like their sleep is so important.
I know that “people” say that you can and should be loud (normal) around babies to help them learn to sleep through household noise.
I get that.
But I don’t agree with it.

The best parenting advice I’d ever been given was this, “Treat your babies like you’d want to be treated.”
And that means…I feed when they’re hungry (no schedules, not ever), I change diapers as soon as possible, I sleep curled close with them, I respond to their cries (yes, even longer than suggested–I’m not afraid of spoiling, we’ll have issues anyway) and I limit light and noise.

Luxe sleeps very seldomly in her swing because I prefer her in a quiet, dark room where she can rest uninterrupted.
If she WON’T rest uninterrupted, then I’ll use the swing but I’ll also try to shoo the kids outside for a bit.
(And though she will sleep in her swing even through some noise, she jumps and twitches and sometimes her eyes fly open at a door slam. It just doesn’t seem particularly restful to me.)

And it’s just my personal preference, I suppose.
I hate napping on the couch right in the middle of our household crazy and so I try to remove that as much as possible for her as well.

To wake her is the worst crime committed and unfortunately it happens daily.
As everyone with more than one child knows, you’re second doesn’t quite have the luxury of every day, long, delicious, uninterrupted naps the way the first one did.
Multiple that by another several children and you’ve got a pretty good idea of how things go for Luxe :)

On Friday, we had plans.
CHAS had plans.
And I needed to get him to Teen Night by 7:00.
At 6:35, I was in my room staring at her, wringing my hands.
How could I disturb this?
How?
HOW?

I knew I had to, but I really didn’t want to.
She was sleeping so deeply and peacefully and seemed to be enjoying it so much that it nearly broke me in half to pull her from her sleep.

I tried to wake her slowly.
I open the drapes and stripped away her coverings.
(And look how tiny she is! ACK! She’s so sweet, I might have to go get her RIGHT NOW just because I can. But she’s sleeping. And now we all know how I feel about THAT…)

And yet, even after that, she didn’t even move.
Not one bit.
Instead, she began SNORING.
(I almost collasped in “I SO Hate To Wake You!” grief.)

In the end, I woke her.
I had to, I was out of time.
She was smiling and happy; I think she got what she needed but still.

I HATE waking babies.

Cute shots from Jen’s the other day…

(PS…click  for her Etsy site. She has other stuff, super cute knit hats with the flowers but I bought all her inventory so they’re not pictured here.)

And yes, this adorable thing is now mine. Baby AND accessory:)

Jen, ready whenever you are for a park day.
And I LOVE the wrap–thanks so much for letting me borrow for a bit!
Hope you’re having luck with the baby name books!
XO

Luxe is cooing these days and it’s like the sweetest thing E-V-E-R!
I’ll talk to her and she’ll slowly start to trill back at me.
I of course go crazy, laughing and kissing her like a love-drunk lunatic.

She was telling me something pretty important at the playground the other evening.
I can’t remember what it was but I know one thing: I wanted to listen all night.

My Thursdays just got a little better!

Greer and I walked into her first jazz class tonight to find a) a parking place b) our old room with viewing window and c) my old friend from middle school–MINDY!

Mindy, I’m super excited to spend a whole year reconnecting and to watch our girls develop a friendship–Greer is already asking for a playdate with Natalee!

Looking forward to our jazz nights together!
XO

Today we stopped by my friend Jen’s place to visit a bit, swap some baby stuff (name books for her, a Moby-like wrap for me) and so that I could peek at her gorgeous baby headbands.
I did WAY more than peek, I damn near bought everything she was selling because it was all so beautiful and I couldn’t resist.

While we were there, Jen asked if Luxe would model a few pieces that she might use on the etsy website where she sells her hair accessories and naturally, I handed my baby right over.

I snapped this shot which I just love to pieces for some reason.

Love. To. Pieces.

Taking a break from all the Wilds fun because there’s other super cute things going on around these parts!
Luxe is seven weeks today–almost two whole months old.
Unbelievable.

I snapped this just moments ago of the two of them, Luxe and Charlie.
They hadn’t seen each other since this early this morning–she was nursing and then sleeping when he came home late from work tonight.
She’s only finally popped up now at 11:15ish and he scooped her out of the swing.
This is their reunion.

It’s like having Greer all over again.